I don’t know if we’re all sick again or we’re still sick…the point is WE ARE ALL SICK. Just when I thought the flu had made it’s second round through the house and the last of us was on the mend, Little Dude went right back to what seems like the worst of a flu/ head cold hybrid. Now it’s clear to tell every one of us has at least one or two worsening symptoms.
Well I guess I mean to say it’s clear to tell for everyone else. For me however it’s nearly impossible to tell in the beginning… I feel sore, tired, sick and nearly dead most of the time already. It’s not easy to notice that a bad day might actually be caused by ‘normal’ illness ON TOP OF the lupus, migraines, IBS etc.
If I could explain how I feel during an average flare up of ‘everything’ I would probably say it feels a lot like having the flu…. but longer and no amount of ginger ale, soda crackers or neocitron is going to make it better. Especially over the last couple months where the top part of my digestive system has started being a little more temperamental, sleeping next to a bucket and living off of clear fluids and medication has really become a long term reality.
Sure, I was in a pissy mood Saturday, but I was also pretty impressed that I had gone almost a week without hurling. Even more impressive was the fact that I had an appetite. Not only did I have my ‘for the hell of it’ cake planned for an evening snack, but I enjoyed a grilled steak with roasted beans and potatoes for supper. I even finished over half my plate before I had to give up and admit my eyes were too big for my gurgling gut.
I’m not sure if it was the ‘real’ food (I don’t digest fiber apparently….like at all), my messed up stomach or the flu bug hitting again but lets just say my anti-vomit streak ended shortly after that. Before I got to enjoy my fucking cake too…
At this point I decided, I’m done keeping count. It’s a whole lot of extra depressing and negative shit keeping a tally of good vs bad days, symptoms that don’t seem to lessen and always having to start over hoping will be better. It’s now more regular to have a bad day than a good and that just makes counting it up feel worse.
I don’t just have the flu that’s going to go away in a couple days to a week. Digestive woes, aching joints and muscles, burning head pain, dizzy spells and everything else are just part of my life now at least for the foreseeable future. Sure, this time of year we just have the extra threat of more virus’ and the sheer evil that is winter on top of it.
I feel like shit, the rest of the family feels like shit right now (Princess and I are taking turns over the porcelain bowl…its awful)…. but do you know what the worst thing is right now?
I have a buttercream covered, vanilla and funfetti cake ready and waiting and a stomach that just can’t handle it…