Life

Was it a mistake? Do I have any regrets?

Right now it’s Tuesday morning and I’m still right in what I would say is the worst part of recovery through a ‘self inflicted’ flare up. I really did a number on myself this weekend by knowingly going into a a situation that wouldn’t be very illness friendly as well as…completely ignoring all the signs and signals my body was giving me to slow down, turn in early or in any way act like I was a chronically ill person if it could be helped.

Now don’t take it the wrong way. It’s not like I went on a 3 day bender that would put fame seeking starlets to shame or anything. Mr. Mango and I attended his work place’s annual Christmas party and we had a boat load of fun like the rest of the young crowd there. A lot of these folks we only see once or twice a year and not only that, the venue did not disappoint!

For normal outings from grocery shopping, to trips with the kids, family get-togethers and even more ambitious trips like this past summer’s camping weekend, considering my health and different symptoms has become the “go to” concern when getting ready. While it was definitely a consideration this past weekend (we are far beyond being able to completely forget that I’m sick at this point), it wasn’t the focus.

The focus was being a 29 and 32 year old child-free-for-the-night couple out in the big city enjoying getting all dressed up and feeling special. Mr. Mango wore a suit and even tied his own tie (I don’t think he has a use for me any more!) and I curled my hair and put on my 4 inch heels (with some fabulous new insoles…as well as a pair of flats in the car). I didn’t want to feel sick, I didn’t want to look sick. Yes I knew there would be consequences and no I didn’t (want to) care.

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I can’t even begin to explain how amazing it was. The polar bears were so magnificent and extremely active. The seals were super playful and we found out they thought my purse was a fish, which made playing keep away endlessly entertaining. Pictures don’t really do it justice, to be honest we were too busy having fun to worry about taking the greatest ones.

I was so busy enjoying the venue and catching up with so many people I hadn’t seen since last years party I completely missed dinner (I was correct in my last post in assuming it was a surprise unique food station situation, no real sit down meal). Which is great when solid food gives you all sorts of digestive trouble….but not so great after several people have bought you cocktails…

It wasn’t my first mistake of the night or my last. That was forgetting to take my evening medication before we left the hotel…and then again forgetting to take them when we got back. I could say that this was the biggie that ensured a difficult morning after and it’s probably partially true but really Saturday night was the first time in over a year any sort of forgetting about my illness and how much it takes over my life has happened. It’s not an easy thing to do and it took a boat load (or a tank full) of distraction to do it.

After it was all over though, reality hit hard. Not only had I screwed myself out of having my pain medication in my system but both my antimalarial and my stomach protectant were also in the batch I hadn’t taken. While I’m pretty sure I could have passed it off to any unsuspecting bystander as just an uber-difficult hangover…this simply was not/ is not the case.Sunday was a difficult day and honestly there were a couple times were were quite worried that having a couple drinks without dinner or my meds caused more harm than I could recover from on my own or that putting the effort into curling my hair really did dislocate my shoulder.

Two more days later and like I said I’m still in the thick of it. Recovering from having a ‘carefree’ night out. I haven’t seen my doctor yet, which is a little bit of a concern to the Mr., but with the epic heavy snowfall we are receiving, the local ER is packed and appointments are emergency only and since I’m not dead nor dying…. I can wait.

I’m going to get the same story about my gut anyways, we can’t tell or do anything new until I get the scopes….which we’re waiting for a response from the Gastro Guy for. As for my shoulder, if it doesn’t improve, it will be added with my hand as another X-ray to be sent to the rheumatologist and it’ll get taped up. Until then, hot/cold and rest. Lots and lots of rest.

Was it a mistake to go all out and ignore (as much as I really can at this point) being ill? I don’t think so. With how rapidly some of my symptoms have progressed over the last year/months this may be my last big even where that’s even a possibility. Are there consequences…well yea, but soon enough the option to wear heels or do my hair or have a cocktail or two won’t even be there. Taking a once in a blue moon opportunity to enjoy it while I can… I don’t think that’s a mistake.

Do I have any regrets? Yes! That we didn’t ask anyone to take a great photo of Mr. Mango and I together. Yet another day/event goes by where we were too busy taking pictures of each other or of others we totally skipped that part and no one offered. Sure I could say I regret not taking my medication (duh) or that maybe I could have stuck with some Shirley Temples or at least attempted to find where the dinner was but the reality when you’re a healthy ‘normal’ person is you don’t have to worry about things like that to such a great extent. Maybe that’s all part of why I felt like my illness didn’t play a part in the night. I wouldn’t want to give that up.

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Was it a mistake? Do I have any regrets?

  1. Fun!! And you look GORGEOUS all dolled up in that dress! 😍 I agree with your thoughts. I think it’s still important that we try to get out every once in a blue moon because we are still ALIVE. Even if it will take us days to recover. And you had so much fun during it that you forgot about your illness? FABULOUS! ❤👍

    P.S. I am super envious of your hair color! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, thank you! I think sometimes we feel guilty for having fun and knowing we’ll be paying for it later. It’s hard to get over that, but also good to know we can support each other in trying to over come it! I hope you are keeping well.

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  2. Awesome!!! Good god girl … you look spectacular!!! That is well worth all the repercussions that happened / are happening I would think. Got me thinking too … we spend so long worrying about what might happen / will happen and then nothing happens and we still end up sick, either way … I think you might be on to something here!!! … So pleased you had a primo night … That is living 🙂 xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True point. We really have know way of knowing if we’re going to have a good day or bad day even if we take every care and precaution and skip all the FUN stuff. No one wants to just exist for the rest of their life. We want to LIVE!! Even if it’s only once in a while under the right circumstances 😛 Thank you sweetie. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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