Step one: Eat all the red and purple candy…

I have had absolutely no appetite this last month thank is mix due to stomach issues, the Topamax and just a shit ton of stress. Now add on top of it Scarlet Fever was brought home by the school age kids (they are both fine and dandy by the way) and of course  my immune system is too busy messing with my own body to put up any defense so it hits me like a ton of bricks. About all I feel like eating/drinking is cough drops/ hard candies and a bottle of red wine.

Honestly I don’t even want to get into how fucked up today has been with early dismissals, naughty 6 year old or an early Thanksgiving meal (that was supposed to be a GOOD thing since on Monday which is the actual Canadian holiday I’ll be on clear liquids only). I’m so worn out from the whole ordeal that even thinking about putting it into words makes my eyes well up and my nose drip even more.

So I’m choosing to just concentrate on how to make the next week as easy as possible. That involves feebly tidying up our shit-sty of a house so that it doesn’t hurt when I open my eyes and look around (it hasn’t started to smell… or at least…. I fucking hope not…. it’s just cluttered as all hell), getting our finances in order so that the Man of the house can’t destroy our bank accounts  left to his own devices for a few days and to prepare for the dietary changes and bowel prep ahead.

I guess you could say the real step 1 or we shall call the pre-prep preparations were already done when we ran into the grocery store over the weekend to pick up various must haves. Broth, flavored water, ginger ale, clear gummies, life savers, popsicles (which I now remember we forgot, something honey-bunches must pick up on his way home one day if I ask sweetly), apple juice, white grape juice, ice…..and protective underpants (taking no chances on the trip to the hospital). I was quite peeved to find out that they’ve gone and discontinued clear Powerade up here, not only would it have been fucking great right now, but it was my favourite under normal circumstances anyway…

So now, riddled with a mild case of scarlet fever (102.5 isn’t that scary to someone who periodically hit’s close to that for no particular reason) that ‘should’ ease up in a couple days I’m moving on to the real step one: eating all the red and purple candies. Red and purple dye can play nasty tricks in the intestines while a doctor has a camera all up in there, so while enjoying a variety of gummies and hard candies are allowed in the days before, anything red or purple is not allowed (though pink and orange are OKed… I checked… I fucking take my candy seriously, appetite or not).  I figured to make the days when no real solid food is allowed I will simply just HAVE to eat all the red and purple shit now ahead of time…. with a glass of wine.

Woe is me right?

Step Two: White Fluffy Goodness

Step Three: laxatives and getting ready for liquids…

Step Four: down the hatch and now we wait…

Step Five: the final step, get my butt to the hospital!


5 thoughts on “Step one: Eat all the red and purple candy…

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