The Pit · Uncategorized

Waiting for all the answers

I haven’t talked about it much (cause I’m way lost and behind, keeping up with my symptom diary) in the last weeks about what’s medically going on lately. I think due to a mix of just needing to vent out about other frustrations (daily life in pain, joint parenting woes and well just about anything else that pops up at the Mango house) and overwhelming anxiety and fear around all the tests, appointments AND THEN more tests.

I was a bit naive at the beginning of this year thinking that my lupus diagnosis would kind of mean we’d be done guessing or worrying what in the hell is causing these ‘new’ symptoms. It’s such a complicated disease and CAN effect pretty much every inch of your body in one way or another so wouldn’t it just be nice and simple to blame the lupus for everything going on?

Simple yes. Correct no.

It never seems like autoimmune conditions travel alone. No no, they travel in packs. The lat couple months behind the busy home life, renovations and celebrations there has been a lot of worry, stress and Mr. Mango taking time off work to cart me around the province for all sorts of nonsense.

While I had no hope that it would all be over with yesterday I DID however hope that I would finally have some answers after the most recent batch of tests and with how severe some of the new symptoms have been. Less than an hour before my appointment to see my GP, I got a call from his office informing me it was cancelled due to an emergency and I would have to reschedule within the next couple weeks.

I fell apart.

I had no idea how much i was emotionally riding on this one single day. I just wanted some piece of mind, and maybe some advice on how to manage things. Hell, even a guess and being shipped off to yet another specialist would have been something.

That and getting approved for taking antibiotics for this nasty sinus infection that’s developed from a summer cold. Thanks immune system, fight my body but let the germs free to do their thing…. That’s about the only thing I KNOW is going causing some of the symptoms of late and until I get the OK to take the meds, I can’t do anything but rely on tea, the usual pain relief and oregano oil.

Right now the 3 main things being sussed out (that haven’t already been pinned onto symptoms of pre-existing health complications)  are my blood volume/ nerve issues / dizziness, whatever the fuck is going on with my gut/ midsection and whatever else is going on in my heart and lungs. So pretty much everything…. everything has something wrong with it. Between all the different doctors and labs the guesses and the tests range from anything simple like more bowel obstructions or bad circulation all the way up to a variety of types of cancer and anything in between.

I have been poked, prodded, scanned, x-rayed, felt up, felt down, internally invaded, spun upside down, you name it, apart from a live autopsy I don’t think there’s any more thorough they can get. Yet still, I wait.

And I worry, because what if after I finally get my appointment and the results, we’re only left with more questions.

 

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5 thoughts on “Waiting for all the answers

  1. It’s pretty terrible – the anticipation and the unknowns. Even the knowns sometimes make me drive myself crazy trying to figure out what caused it. Lupus is a gnarly disease, and from what I know about it, it can cause a type of neuropathy (I think I remember reading that?), can cause kidney disease, and mimics crohn’s in the GI tract. It really does require multiple specialists to take care of the separate systems. I feel for you. It’s extremely frustrating and nerve-racking. Keep on keepin’ on! I’ll be your awkward cheerleader. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know you’re one of the bunch of us unfortunate ones to deal with never ending medical dilemmas as well, ain’t we awesome eh? It’s some shitty deals but sometimes there’s a bright side. The advantage of not having any circulation from the elbows down means even on a 93 degree day, my hands stay cold as ice 😛 Perfectly flaky strawberry pie for supper, I think yes!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my friend 🙂 I am hopeful that answers will give some peace of mind for myself and my loved ones. I hope you are keeping well and taking care of yourself too! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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