I haven’t talked about it much (cause I’m way lost and behind, keeping up with my symptom diary) in the last weeks about what’s medically going on lately. I think due to a mix of just needing to vent out about other frustrations (daily life in pain, joint parenting woes and well just about anything else that pops up at the Mango house) and overwhelming anxiety and fear around all the tests, appointments AND THEN more tests.
I was a bit naive at the beginning of this year thinking that my lupus diagnosis would kind of mean we’d be done guessing or worrying what in the hell is causing these ‘new’ symptoms. It’s such a complicated disease and CAN effect pretty much every inch of your body in one way or another so wouldn’t it just be nice and simple to blame the lupus for everything going on?
Simple yes. Correct no.
It never seems like autoimmune conditions travel alone. No no, they travel in packs. The lat couple months behind the busy home life, renovations and celebrations there has been a lot of worry, stress and Mr. Mango taking time off work to cart me around the province for all sorts of nonsense.
While I had no hope that it would all be over with yesterday I DID however hope that I would finally have some answers after the most recent batch of tests and with how severe some of the new symptoms have been. Less than an hour before my appointment to see my GP, I got a call from his office informing me it was cancelled due to an emergency and I would have to reschedule within the next couple weeks.
I fell apart.
I had no idea how much i was emotionally riding on this one single day. I just wanted some piece of mind, and maybe some advice on how to manage things. Hell, even a guess and being shipped off to yet another specialist would have been something.
That and getting approved for taking antibiotics for this nasty sinus infection that’s developed from a summer cold. Thanks immune system, fight my body but let the germs free to do their thing…. That’s about the only thing I KNOW is going causing some of the symptoms of late and until I get the OK to take the meds, I can’t do anything but rely on tea, the usual pain relief and oregano oil.
Right now the 3 main things being sussed out (that haven’t already been pinned onto symptoms of pre-existing health complications) are my blood volume/ nerve issues / dizziness, whatever the fuck is going on with my gut/ midsection and whatever else is going on in my heart and lungs. So pretty much everything…. everything has something wrong with it. Between all the different doctors and labs the guesses and the tests range from anything simple like more bowel obstructions or bad circulation all the way up to a variety of types of cancer and anything in between.
I have been poked, prodded, scanned, x-rayed, felt up, felt down, internally invaded, spun upside down, you name it, apart from a live autopsy I don’t think there’s any more thorough they can get. Yet still, I wait.
And I worry, because what if after I finally get my appointment and the results, we’re only left with more questions.