Is what I’m telling myself.
The anticipation has been killing us. Mr. mango and I. We have been very busy with paper work, accounting and meetings with the bank the last couple weeks and the wait is finally over. Well kind of.
Anticipation is stressful. Especially for a control freak like myself. Having to wait a whole long weekend to get an answer back was torture and on top of that a call bright and early yesterday to request even more paper work. Talk about getting my hopes up when the phone rang to have them fall back down. It’s exhausting.
When you have a chronic illness, especially one that comes and goes in what some refer to as flares, stress is a risky business. Too much stress can tip the scale during a low symptom period and bring on a rush of pain, fatigue, rashes, etc and the cycle starts all over again.
Between having a super busy weekend all on its own and actively trying not to think about much else than the work at hand definitely helped keep me in control of my stress levels. Anticipation was controlled. Mostly by consistently saying to myself “It’s not gonna happen anyways.” Yes, a rather negative attitude, but I’m pretty sure it saved me a lot of grief and a lot of anxiety.
The thing is, excitement, surprise and celebration can also be pretty stressful. It’s not something that most healthy people may even notice. The closest I could relate it to is the anticipation before a big trip, birthday or Christmas morning. You want to sleep but you can’t, you’re so excited for the day to come and to enjoy the spoils of what you have been waiting for. You know it’s gonna be good, you’re happy but it’s still creating a stress on your body.
For someone who’s body doesn’t handle stress well already, even the good kind of stress can be too much. This now, seems to be even more of a struggle than before.
We now have it confirmed that there are going to be some pretty cool changes around the house here. Until we dot the i’s and cross the t’s I’m going to hold back the big reveal until we have concrete plans in place. It’s just how I was raised (meanwhile Mr. Mango has been talking up a storm at work for weeks already), I guess I always worry that the other shoe is gonna drop.
Meanwhile I’m just trying not to get too excited. There is gonna be a lot of change and life is going to be pretty disrupted here at home for the next month or so if everything gets started soon, so it’s really not worth the extra risk of another flare starting just as this past one has waned off.
It’s time to keep calm….