It has been a rough start to the year. Even when my random assortment of disease, disorders and mish-mosh of symptoms haven’t been at their ‘worst’, all of them collectively have kept me pretty down and out. Not only has it been a difficult few months adjusting to life with more and more physical pain, its been mentally exhausting and stressful on top.
There has been a lot of adjusting, learning, coping and probably hardest of all a lot of missing out on/ giving up parts of my life that just don’t fit in my life with chronic illness anymore. I truly believe that that is what planted the seed of depression back in winter. Feeling like I can’t BE MYSELF anymore is incredibly despairing.
There is hope though, because that feeling is lifting.
The worst of the missing out has been the GETTING OUT something that already can be difficult as a stay at home mom in a small town. There’s only so much entertainment I can get out of home. I mean sure I can binge watch my favorite T.V. series on netflix or play Runescape till the cows come home, but it sure as heck isn’t enough to keep me truly occupied. We have been stuck cancelling on all non-important get together’s, social events and even avoided hosting anything more than small family meals for the longest time.
This past weekend was the first time in Months I really didn’t feel held back by my illness. Sure I adjusted, it would be stupid of me not to. Using all the things I’ve learned over the months of hell has helped me be able to function ‘normally’.
Our little family had so much fun. Not to mention we got a TON of work done. The best part? For the first time in forever I don’t feel like I’m stuck regretting much after the fact!
We went for some wonderful long walks across town. This past week was really the last time our little town will be empty, after May long it starts to bustle with city folks out to the beach for the weekends.
We all had some fun learning to drive a variety of machines. While I’m skeptical that I’ll ever get the hang of recreational driving (or driving at all…) both boys are naturals, soon Buddy will be doing all the tractor work himself!
We got most of our plot seeded, it doesn’t look like much but just wait!
The country life sure suits all 3 of the kids, dirt from eyebrows to ankles but I don’t think I’ve ever loved a picture of Princess more.
A little bit of down time meant Mr. Mango could snap a few goofy selfies.
It was turning into such a beautiful weekend that we even decided to pitch a tent and camp out for a night. Something we had sworn never to do again on May long (last year we had a snow storm that demolished a lot of the town and left us with no power for 3 days).
And it ended off with some goofing off time at home after we all scrubbed and scraped 3 days worth of dirt off.
Like I said it was a rough start to the year. Honestly after the last few months, I had started to think I’d be stuck feeling like I’m going to miss out on most of the good stuff for the rest of my life.
While I know there will still be dark days to come and that things like lupus, migraines and my anxiety disorder will be with me for life, that’s not all my life will consist of. I will also have good days. The days where other than a few tweaks here and there (a good SPF, making sure to take my meds and being incredibly in control of diet etc) my life isn’t going to be all about coping with being sick. Days where it’s about living life to the fullest.