PP: Nerve pain along neck (both sides this time), dry mouth, dry, irritated eyes, both wrists, both hands, right forearm muscle strain, IBS- C, general anxiety, tinnitus, both feet, right knee, hard to pinpoint nerve pain, no appetite, insomnia, fatigue, into the pit AND all the regular bells and whistles of a bad sinus infection and laryngitis.
DPR: This last week has gone by in a blur. Not a fast whizzing by blur mind you, a stuck in a haze you can’t make your way out of kind of blur. It just seemed to drag on and on. Unlike my last couple bad flare ups of worsened pain this time the swelling and tension has stayed in the same spots pretty consistently, other than the nerve pain. Trying to narrow down where hurts at what moment is pointless, it’s like stinging ants moving along my circulatory system, who knows where will twinge and shock next. While the pain hasn’t been enough to send me to emergency to get a temporary relief, it’s been significant enough to cause daily struggles. Especially my hands being so fucked up. I can’t tie my own shoe laces, I can’t change Little’s diapers, I have trouble doing basic things like opening the milk jug, cutting an apple, putting my hair in a messy ragged bun etc. This lack of independence through all these little daily tasks has made it even harder to deal with certain stresses with Mr. Mango, since, while I’m pissed as can be…. I still need to rely on him and therefor cannot stew in my misery, I actually have to be the bigger person and civilly communicate (but hey that’s nothing new…). My Dr’s went well on Wednesday, or as well as could be expected. He asked me if i was willing to try the Amatriptyline again since it helped with the nerve pain and his request was met with a resounding NO, no amount of pain relief is worth having the panic attacks back that severely (and it wasn’t THAT much pain relief anyways) not to mention the rapid weight gain and grogginess. He refilled my other regular meds, perscribed Cymbalta (woah that’s one pricy drug, private insurance doesn’t cover all of it…) and told me to make an appointment for a couple weeks after my rhumie one. I haven’t started taking the new meds yet, I’m not sure if it’s my deep dark pit wanting me to stay miserable or if its legitimate to worry about the possible mental side effects that medications like that can have on the brain, especially during a rough adjustment time. I can’t afford to be more groggy than I am, I can’t afford to get the ‘suicidal thoughts’ that are warned about, I can’t afford to have a bad reaction to a new med right now, even if it’s one that I researched and asked for. I will be waiting for the other Doc to sign off I think, or not, I don’t know…. What I do know is after a horrible night, a rough morning with still no working voice, I don’t think I’ve kicked this virus/infection or the lupus flare yet. Fingers crossed it’s not another week in this hell ahead.