It’s been a rough few months. Scratch that. It’s been a rough few years. I’ve been ‘blessed’ with a lot of time to sit and ponder. I wonder about what my kids are going to be like grown up. I worry about my health, our finances and our fixer-upper of a home. I look forward to our future together (Mr. Mango and I) and I look back on our past.
To say we’ve had our fair share of troubles from the beginning, would be an understatement. Not only were neither of us really in the right place emotionally to meet someone new but our first year together proved to be full of turmoil, pain and doubt. Not exactly the honeymoon period I’ve heard so much about.
Has it been easy? NO!
Has it been worth it? YES!!
Looking back through photos of the last 7 years it’s impossible to see what was going on underneath the smiles, the laughs and the goofy faces. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. We’ve been a couple of odd-balls stuck together through thick and thin. If the last 7 years hasn’t torn us apart yet, I don’t think anything can.
It’s not that I don’t have doubts. I do. Always have, and probably always will. I worry that my health complications with chronic illness weren’t something he signed up for and they will eventually drive him away. I worry we will lose ourselves in parenthood and our relationship will be stuck forever in the back seat so to speak. I worry less now than I ever used to though.
It’s assumed, even by some of our newer friends and acquaintances that the two of us are married. We are not. We’ve taken all those big steps backwards. First kids, then house, maybe by the time we’re old and grey we’ll decide to head to Vegas and elope.
This is something that used to bother me, sure. A sign that maybe he has more doubts than I do and is choosing not to commit. He’ll stick around until he’s sick of my cooking or until the kids are all old enough to handle it. I don’t think like that anymore.
He has made his position very clear, almost as if offended that I would second guess his interest in “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health yada yada”. He just wants to do it right. By that I mean he planned to propose at the Sabbath concert but our seats got upgraded last minute (apparently that was important, he wont let me in on the details) or a couple years earlier when we were planning a trip to West Edmonton mall for bungee jumping but my Grandfather got sick and we cancelled the trip.
While I couldn’t give a crap about epic proposals or giant fluffy dresses. I know he does. Do I think a ring, a dress, an official piece of paper is going to change anything? No. I can wait until he finds his moment. He’s not usually Mr. Romantic, so I actually find it rather entertaining that he’s putting so much thought into it.
We’re not perfect. We’re opposites. We disagree on many subjects. We argue. We hold grudges. We also love each other. Through it all. Every time we argue or disagree, we eventually talk it out. Our communications has gotten downright kick ass.
Like I said, I do worry that eventually all the tough times will become too much or that my health conditions become more than he ever expected he had to deal with, but today looking back through the years has made me smile and not shed tears. We’ve gone through it all with a sense of humor and genuine smiles while also having a lot of fun along the way.