It was another late night. This time though, it ended on a much more positive note. While I’ll be paying for how busy I’ve been for quite some time, in the end it feels worth it.
I’ll be the first to admit, I was being quite the ‘Negative Nelly’ last night when after my mother in law left and the kids were sent to bed. It was time to get back to work on decorating, both the cake and the house. I was positive that it would end in disaster again and that we’d be running into town to find a store bought sheet cake to slap Little Dude’s name on.
It meant a lot to me to be able to do it myself. Over the years as my passion for baking has grown, its become a tradition that my kids special birthday gift from Mommy is a home made cake exactly of what they want. I’ll admit that slowly I’ve challenged myself more and being a perfectionist, I probably stress over it more than I would have to (kids are pretty forgiving for how a tasty treat LOOKS as long as they can eat it!) but it’s just one of those things that I refuse to give up just because I run on spoons these days.
These last few days have put me through a lot both emotionally and physically but out of it I’ve learned two pretty important things. First, I have to learn my limits better. I have been far to stubborn trying to not let illness get the better of me, not to get in the way of what I deem important. I’m pretty decent at this with every day life (taking breaks when cleaning, watching what I eat for health, not exercising as vigorously etc) but I still go all out “who cares about tomorrow” when a special occasion comes along. This needs to change. The lupus, the IBS, the anxiety… none of it’s going away so I have to learn to live with it EVERY DAY. Even the important ones.
It will be OK when things mess up, change or full on have to be cancelled. Being a stubborn, perfectionist control freak is WAY too stressful. Yes it usually means when I set my mind to something it’s going to turn out pretty darn awesome, but the emotional strain of getting there is exhausting. I don’t like to fail and I can get pretty darn negative about it, if things aren’t looking so good. I need to stop that. Not because I shouldn’t expect the best, but because things can still turn out alright, even if they didn’t start out that way. After all sometimes the best parts of life are unexpected or different than we planned.
Not what I planned, but he’s going to love it and at the very least my boot looks a little more like a train engine now!
It was very nice of Mr. Mango to not let me actually spend the night sleeping at the table. While I probably could have passed out almost anywhere, I wouldn’t have even been able to stand today if he’d have left me there.
A little surprise left on my pillow while Mr. Mango was busy decorating our ‘train station’. It was just what I needed before climbing into bed. Nothing went as planned but everything worked out just right.