I’m one of those quirky people that talks to themselves. Ya know the whole “Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need an expert opinion!” That really doesn’t change whether I’m at my best or at my worst.
I’m also one of those people that randomly burst into song. Whether humming along to something in my head, answering a silly question with a lyric or singing at the top of my lungs in the shower. THIS is something I only do when I feel more positive. Now not to be confused with ‘better’, there are some days I physically feel horrible but still feel positive.
Today Princess came over to me while I was getting our lunches ready and asked “Mommy why are you singing again?”
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t even know I was doing it. The fact that she used the word AGAIN was because it hasn’t happened in a while. A long while. Even over the holidays I wasn’t spouting off Christmas carols non stop, heck I didn’t even go caroling (a yearly tradition at some of the care homes near my fathers church). With everything going on the last few months both health related and just family stress I really have not felt positive.
I don’t know exactly what started today different. Maybe it’s the fact that the migraine is finally not present. Maybe it’s that I’ve been waking up with a little more energy the last couple days. Maybe it’s because I talked to my mom for the first time in months and it’s the first time in years that it didn’t send me into a downward spiral. I’m not sure, but I do know that whatever the cause I’m glad.
I know it won’t solve everything and it definitely doesn’t cure the pain but having a positive attitude and having the depression not sink further in is definitely enough to be happy about in my books. It’s better than the alternative.
I hope it lasts. I enjoy singing, I enjoy feeling positive about the future and even if everything else seems to be falling apart that little bit of joy and music can be enough to carry on.