Daily Diary · Uncategorized

February 13th, 14th and 15th 2016

Already falling behind here…. it seems rather disheartening so far trying to keep track of everything but I promised myself I would keep up with it the best I could for as long as possible.

PP: Everything is stiff from the joints in my neck to the joints in my toes. In general though the shooting nerve pain and throbbing muscle pain is much less than it was last week. Nausea and muscle cramps are both difficult and the constant tension headache is making everything difficult to get through.

DPR: For the last few days I have felt the debilitating fatigue slowly wear off. I have been able to function within a couple hours of getting up (which still seems ridiculous and unlivable long term, but I have to take what I can get). Being a long weekend meant Mr. Mango was home so he helped me catch up with cleaning, though being left still with most of the intricate scrubbing (while he tackled the bigger tasks like vacuuming) means that my hands are almost useless now. Last night I dropped a full can of soda  all over our couch and floor and then half hysterically laughing and half balling my eyes out sat there and watched him clean it up. My hands were just done. He swears that the only reason it was bad was because it was “the last one.” It’s not like he acted mad or resentful, but really all I was left feeling was numb and with a lasting thought of “Oh my God, this is going to be his life. He is going to want to leave me.” All I can hope for is that the meds will work their magic over time and that I will regain a little bit more muscle stamina. The pain is bad enough but not being able to function through the little things…. I am not ready for needing a caregiver, not physically and not mentally.

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