Managing the toddler with chronic pain and fatigue

I’ll be the first to admit that even before becoming sick and tired all the time that I was quite the control freak. MY house ran better on a schedule. With everything done in a specific way that at least to me, made sense, took as little time and energy as possible and kept everything neat and tidy

This worked for us, despite it not exactly was what Mr. Mango was used to when we met (he’s much more of the fly-by the seat of his pants, go with the flow, procrastinate anything not fun type of guy, in the best way of course). Even he had to admit that when it came to the home it made taking care of the kids, keeping the mess at bay and being able to make the most of family time it was the way to go.

Enter child #3.

Now saying that Little Dude does nothing on schedule or by the books would still be an understatement. A rough pregnancy, a pre-term birth, a temperamental baby attitude and now and even bigger toddler one. He is the absolute definition of terrible twos even his doctor says “Those eyes…. mischief!”

Getting work, everything  around the house done AND making sure he is happy, out of trouble and safe is proving to be difficult even on the best of days. So what about these days that are coming all to often where even getting simple household chores done at a snails pace seem too daunting to manage?

Truth be told, I don’t even know most of the time. Somehow we both end up making it through. I can say though that we’ve said goodbye to neat and organized, schedules and doing things by the book.

Sometimes lunch takes 2 hours because he doesn’t feel like eating and I don’t have the energy to make it fun and entertaining. So I take a cat-nap at the table while he tosses his oatmeal in his hair.

Sometimes he skips a nap because my shoulders just can’t lift him into his crib So we cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.

Sometimes (like today) I have to watch him lick butter straight off the brick because I have only enough concentration to work at not dropping the turkey that took me far to long to prepare. So he eats some butter and in the end I get a laugh.

I never want Little Dude or his older siblings thinking they are to blame for how I am feeling, for needing a break or for having to lay down.

I have learned that giving in to the chaos once in a while HELPS me by making him feel like he is helping and honestly it keeps him better behaved.

Sure getting supper ready took twice as long today, but in between mouth-fulls of butter he came and helped me put the vegetables in the roaster. Maybe this isn’t such a big deal now, but him wanting to help with household chores is something I’m going to need in the future.

Yes he may miss a nap once in a while, but those cuddles I get during our special movie time make me so happy. That even through the worst of pain he knows his little hugs and kisses make mommy smile. He is going to grow up understanding how to treat people with care and compassion.

Finding a way to defuse as many of the terrible two moments and make him feel like he’s contributing is not always easy and it’s still definitely a learning process but it is making me feel like less of a failure as a parent and is definitely helping my stress level, not to mention strengthening our family bonds.

A lot of it is just accepting that I can’t control everything. That if I want a good relationship with my kids (all 3 of them) that I need to give in sometimes to the things that don’t matter in the long run. Mommy being stressed and upset all the time isn’t going to help the pain and fatigue and it definitely isn’t going to help them feel loved and appreciated.

 

Are there still bad days full of tantrums and me wanting to pull my hair out and  scream, yes of course. This still is all new to me, I use to be super mom the multi-tasker, chef extraordinaire, neat freak, fit and fun female (ok so maybe tooting my own horn there, but you get the idea) being the laid back ‘shit happens’ kind of parent isn’t an easy transition.

It’s not easy, but its necessary.